[0.0s] Okay, welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master Russ More. He, him, also
[6.7s] with me today is Amy More. Yeah, she, her. I'm Amy More and tonight I will be playing
[13.9s] Sullivan's Are We Doing This Thing? Yeah. You're doing great. Thank you. Yeah, this
[19.2s] is how we do the intro. This is where Amy kind of remembers. This is a little
[22.6s] peek behind the curtain when it's not edited. It's been one day. We forgot, okay? Yeah.
[27.0s] I know. Also, I wasn't quite sure. I was like, is this how we start these things?
[32.3s] But these are new. I don't I play Sullivan's like he, him. And Carla
[35.0s] Maxted. She, her. I'll be playing Glim. Also she, her. And Tom Laird. He, him
[43.7s] and I'll be playing Moot, who is also he, him. Guys, thanks so much for
[47.8s] not just going ahead and saying like your class and your race. And that
[51.2s] makes me look like a complete dummy for just saying the name. We take the
[54.1s] lead from you. You were right there with me. Who her? Russ calls on first to
[58.6s] sets the tone for whatever else is happening. Well, guess what? You know
[62.8s] who's going to set the tone for the rest of the show? All of these lovely
[66.0s] people in the chat. All of these lovely people. This is the only live
[71.1s] show where you go to that. I'm sure you're going to get shouted out if you
[74.4s] if you're in the chat. So guess who else is with us? Aaron, Andrew, Brian,
[79.8s] Craig, David, Forreth. Got it right. Jacob, Kat, Kayla, Nick, Phoebe, Ruben,
[86.6s] Sharon, Stan, Stan or Jess? Threw me off because Jess was in the beginning.
[91.7s] Stevie and Weston, welcome. Thank you so much. Thank you for being here. And I lost the chat. Where did the chat go? There it is. Oh, there it is. Yay. Who's playing
[101.4s] Grantz's tonight? Oh, that's what I came back to. I've got a message on
[105.0s] Discord for after. OK, thank you all for being here. Fuck it. Let's play. I get some dice out, I guess.
[114.4s] Yeah, we're playing. We're playing D&D tonight. I don't know if you know this, Tom.
[118.3s] We rarely ever do. In the chat, we're going to need a setting of difficult
[125.3s] terrain of some sort. Could be very specific, could be named, could be very
[131.7s] generic. Stan? Get out of here. Stan's here. We need something that Mootglim and Sully are trying to find. Could be something extraordinary, could be something not as
[145.2s] extraordinary. These are fun. These are fun ideas. You guys are the best.
[151.6s] Mootglim and Sully, you've accepted a job, a task, a quest, if you will, to go venture through the muggy swamp of
[162.5s] Boric von Prescott to find the holy relic Underpants.
[172.2s] So guys, is this. So is this swamp, like, named after Boric? Is it his swamp? Is it just.
[182.4s] I thought he owned it. Did I? There was, you know, you never let me read the informative placards. And if you would just let me read them, I would be able to answer this question.
[193.7s] I know. But Glim, and I don't mean to be rude with this or anything, but like, you're really, when you read these plaques, you take a really long time.
[202.2s] Well, I mean, somebody put a lot of effort into creating the plaque and making it and sharing information, so I feel like I owe them my full attention.
[211.4s] I mean, that's fair. It's like when you go to the to the plays and you stay all the way through the credits at the end, like those people worked hard.
[218.0s] Exactly, exactly. Yeah, but three very different people.
[222.2s] But I know that we are on a mission, so I understand why you didn't let me read the plaque.
[227.8s] I'm just saying if you did, I'd be able to tell you.
[231.8s] Hey, friends.
[234.9s] Who's that? I got the I got the plaque for you.
[238.4s] You didn't read it, so I just pulled it from the earth and then I brought it to you.
[242.5s] That's just straight up evangelism.
[244.2s] Yeah, you got to put that back after Glim reads it.
[246.9s] Ah, here's 20 minutes of my life.
[249.0s] Well, get ready. This is going to be great. Here, you read this plaque.
[252.9s] I had got it all sweaty because I was running through this muggy swamp.
[257.0s] You ate all the baguettes right before you go on this big quest and you left me behind a little bit, but I caught up, so it's OK.
[263.6s] Well, thank Bahamut. You're here.
[267.1s] Bahamut thinks I'm great, too.
[269.2s] Well, Bahamut thinks everybody is great.
[273.2s] So you're part of everybody.
[275.5s] OK, well, I'll take the first line.
[277.8s] The muggy swamp of Boris von Prescott was founded back in 1462 when he
[285.0s] was out exploring his grandfather's estate and became lost in a well.
[290.1s] But little did he know there was a passage through the side of the well that led out into a murky swamp.
[301.3s] Filled with alligators and other tropical birds.
[305.8s] I'm sorry, I guess I didn't see that there wasn't a period there.
[309.7s] You're not the best reader, Sully.
[311.2s] It's just a little bit of schmutz.
[313.2s] It was schmutz from the swamp.
[315.8s] Yeah, Hillops does sweat all over it.
[317.4s] Yeah.
[318.0s] So I guess.
[318.8s] Oh, and bees.
[320.0s] Oh, I guess now we know more information.
[324.3s] Also, alligators and other tropical birds and bees.
[330.5s] So we should be careful.
[331.8s] Yes, we should be careful.
[332.8s] Well, it's a good thing we were sent on this quest by an orc named Omelette Egg Crusher.
[338.7s] They pay good money.
[339.9s] I'm not going to lie to you.
[340.6s] I wasn't really paying attention when the whole.
[342.8s] I heard that they paid good money and then and something about underpants.
[347.5s] Yeah.
[348.1s] Well, is it they are the underpants of Cool Breeze.
[353.5s] Is Cool Breeze a guy?
[355.8s] Well, they're the holy relic underpants of Cool Breeze.
[361.1s] Is it Cool Breeze because there's lots of holes in these underwears?
[364.3s] Yeah, it's like a fine mesh.
[367.1s] So it's mesh underwear.
[368.0s] But it's meant to be that way.
[369.5s] No, we're not going down that road, you dirties.
[373.7s] It's totally supposed to be that way for aerodynamics.
[377.3s] And airflow.
[378.9s] That's how the Cool Breeze.
[380.5s] I mean, honestly, it's like comfort.
[383.0s] Maybe it would be a good idea.
[384.6s] Hillip, business aside.
[388.1s] Business aside, we're talking business now.
[389.9s] Just quickly.
[391.1s] It would be a great idea if we could somehow
[393.4s] get the trademark on the mesh Cool Breeze underwear to sell at the Bahamas.
[399.6s] Because it does get a bit warm doing Zumba.
[406.1s] Doing Zumba, especially in these muggy climates.
[408.8s] When we put up a great spot here, we're
[411.5s] going to clear some of these trees and bushes.
[414.2s] Maybe put it on risers so it's not in the swamp.
[419.4s] Because it's a high stepping.
[421.3s] We have to high step so much to get through the muck here.
[425.3s] But you can incorporate that into your moves.
[427.7s] Just more excellent cardiovascular situations.
[432.1s] Makes you feel all worked out.
[437.1s] That's what we do?
[439.0s] Not just sell baguettes and take people's money?
[441.8s] No, that's certainly a very small incidental part
[446.3s] of the business that is Zumba and Bahamut
[450.4s] proselytizing between you and me.
[453.6s] Breezy butts are healthy butts.
[456.4s] That's what they say.
[458.0s] That's the new slogan.
[459.1s] Bahamaniacs, get your undies.
[461.7s] Breezy butts are healthy butts.
[465.3s] I'm writing it down.
[467.7s] Glim, sorry, just a little about your business aside.
[472.7s] Do not, under any circumstances, allow Hillop to model these.
[477.5s] Oh, absolutely not.
[479.2s] Absolutely not.
[480.4s] No offense, Hillop, but I know you're quite conservative in your dress.
[484.5s] Yeah, yeah, totally.
[485.5s] I wear long sleeves, long ankle pants.
[489.6s] A lot of pantaloons.
[490.8s] A lot of pantaloons.
[492.0s] Yeah, it's got to cover everything.
[496.3s] Ankle pants different from regular pants?
[498.5s] Oh, yes, they are very different than regular pants.
[501.7s] Maybe you could tell me all about it as we go through this really mucky place.
[505.6s] Yeah, we have been walking for quite some time here.
[508.2s] But ankle pants, date back to my grandmama and pop pop.
[513.2s] They fashioned ankle pants out of something.
[519.6s] Out of something that is perhaps potato sacks.
[524.0s] But really it was more of a three piece tweed ensemble with flood pants and waistcoats.
[530.6s] There was an era of poofy pants, ankle pants, where they fashion using securing
[539.8s] devices, like cocoons for your legs until one day your legs spring free as butterflies.
[548.4s] Oh, that sounds-
[550.4s] So I have not reached that stage of my life yet.
[553.5s] Are there mushrooms around here?
[555.4s] That's a great question.
[556.5s] I hadn't seen anything, but it seems like Hillop maybe-
[560.5s] Maybe partook in some?
[561.5s] I have some here.
[562.5s] Would you like some?
[563.5s] No, thank you.
[564.5s] Knew it.
[565.5s] Oh.
[566.5s] Okay.
[567.5s] Yep.
[568.5s] Okay.
[569.5s] I sort of was wondering why we were walking on the path, which is still a bit mucky, but
[572.9s] he was just right in there in the swamp, so it does make sense now.
[577.8s] Well if he's scouting locations for new Baja Maniacs, I mean it does make sense
[581.6s] to get in there.
[582.6s] Right.
[583.6s] The group rounds a bend and before them they see a passageway descending down below
[589.5s] the surface of the swamp.
[593.9s] They hear a noise coming up from beneath this swampy passageway.
[601.2s] Probably leads down to the well.
[602.7s] Yeah, but hold on a second.
[604.6s] Listen closely.
[605.6s] It sounds like...
[606.6s] Like...
[607.6s] Like...
[608.6s] Like...
[609.6s] Like...
[610.6s] Like...
[611.6s] Like...
[612.6s] Like...
[613.6s] Like...
[614.6s] Like...
[615.6s] Like...
[616.6s] Like...
[617.6s] Like...
[618.6s] Like...
[619.6s] Like...
[620.8s] Sounds like there's an adventure down there.
[622.7s] This is probably the way to find...
[624.9s] What are we even looking for?
[626.0s] The breezy pants of cool underwears?
[628.4s] No, holy relic of underpants and cool breezes.
[632.2s] We'll look and find the pants with holes in them.
[634.0s] I feel like it's just an old pair of underpants.
[636.2s] No, they're special, like magic underpants.
[640.5s] Otherwise why would the orc have paid us to go find them?
[644.5s] Maybe he doesn't like humid hot swamps.
[647.0s] Exactly.
[648.0s] Wants his cool breezed underpants.
[649.4s] Alright, I will lead the way.
[651.4s] Hylp begins to descend towards the blrrrp sound.
[656.6s] The further they go, the less light there is.
[660.2s] Hylp can't see well.
[661.6s] But he keeps going until he gets to the bottom, trips and falls, which is followed
[667.4s] by a very moist blrrrp sound.
[672.0s] Oh.
[673.0s] Well, we should probably go a different way.
[676.6s] It sounds supes dangerous.
[678.2s] Is it?
[679.2s] Hylp, are you?
[680.2s] I think I can...
[681.2s] Are you okay?
[682.2s] Is your face busted?
[683.2s] Are you stuck in something?
[684.2s] Oh, okay.
[685.2s] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[686.2s] What?
[687.2s] Hmm.
[688.2s] I guess we should go get him out of whatever he's in.
[689.2s] Yeah, okay.
[690.2s] Yeah, we should.
[691.2s] We should.
[692.2s] It's the right thing to do.
[693.2s] Well, Mo, can you make some fire for us or something?
[694.2s] Because it's awfully dark down there and I don't know what to do.
[695.2s] I don't know what to do.
[696.2s] I don't know what to do.
[697.2s] I don't know what to do.
[698.2s] I don't know what to do.
[699.2s] I don't know what to do.
[700.2s] I don't know what to do.
[707.2s] I just don't want to...
[708.2s] I don't want to fall on him and have like...
[711.6s] He was so sweaty.
[712.8s] I just don't want our bodies to touch.
[714.8s] Yeah, I can do that.
[716.6s] And Moot grabs like a rock, kind of a baseball, softball-sized one and casts the light cantrip
[724.0s] on it and illuminates up to a 20-foot radius of light.
[727.6s] All right.
[728.6s] That's beautiful.
[729.6s] All of you see that there is...
[731.9s] It looks like glistening mud.
[735.0s] I rolled a 16, Russ.
[736.9s] It looks like glistening mud down at the base of these stairs.
[740.7s] You watch for just a brief moment and there's like a little bubble that comes up.
[745.4s] Oh no.
[747.3s] This is...
[748.3s] What...
[749.3s] What does it smell like?
[753.8s] What does it smell like?
[754.8s] What does it smell like?
[755.8s] What does it smell like?
[756.8s] I immediately regret that question.
[759.8s] Eww.
[760.8s] Something like baked bread.
[763.3s] Eggs and baked bread.
[764.8s] Is that a hint of lemon?
[766.8s] Maybe some vanilla?
[767.8s] Some rotting vegetables?
[768.8s] I'm getting a hot Cheetos, getting a hot Cheetos sent out of this.
[773.6s] Something spicy.
[775.0s] Can we see like just bubbles or can we see...
[779.2s] Is he submerged or what's up with Hillup?
[781.8s] Is there an outline of Hillup in this mud?
[784.6s] You don't see him.
[785.6s] You just saw the bubble.
[786.6s] You do hear like a lobe.
[788.6s] Well, it seems like he's gone.
[792.9s] I have a javelin that I will gently poke in where the bubbles are coming from.
[800.5s] As hard as you can.
[801.5s] In the general direction of where he fell.
[803.7s] Because it's pretty long.
[805.5s] That's the longest weapon I have.
[807.3s] I don't really want to.
[808.5s] You put it into the mud and it goes in and you keep pushing it down until it
[813.7s] kind of feels resistance and then you feel a tug on the other end.
[818.4s] Oh.
[819.4s] Guys, I think maybe he...
[821.5s] Here help me.
[823.0s] I don't know.
[824.0s] Was it one tug or two?
[825.0s] One tug means I'm fine.
[826.0s] Two tugs means pull me out.
[827.6s] What if it was just one long tug?
[829.5s] I couldn't really tell, but I kind of want to err.
[832.2s] Okay.
[833.2s] Okay.
[834.2s] Okay.
[835.2s] All right.
[836.2s] On the count of three.
[837.2s] Glimer all strength or athletics with advantage as well.
[841.2s] That was 17.
[842.8s] That was 11.
[843.8s] So 17.
[844.8s] All right.
[845.8s] It takes a moment.
[846.8s] There's a bit of a give and take.
[848.1s] There's almost a vacuum like pressure behind him.
[851.8s] But then Hillop comes bursting out and you look at your javelin and the metal on it
[856.6s] is completely corroded away.
[858.8s] Oh.
[859.8s] And is Hillop completely corroded away or how's he doing?
[863.0s] How are all of his buttons and things like that?
[865.9s] Yeah.
[866.9s] How about his metal shirt that he was wearing?
[869.9s] His metal shirt.
[870.9s] What about his glasses?
[872.3s] Anything metal on him is lost.
[875.0s] Oh, so he's poor now.
[877.0s] Yep.
[879.6s] His clothing is fine, but any buttons, any belt buckles, anything.
[884.2s] The sequins are all gone.
[885.6s] Yeah, the sequins are gone.
[887.6s] Yeah, the excellent armored hat he was wearing.
[892.4s] His rodeo champ belt buckle, which didn't really make sense because clearly he was
[897.6s] not a rodeo star, but he bought it at a vintage store or something.
[901.6s] I don't know.
[902.6s] The chain he was wearing over top of his turtleneck.
[904.7s] And the chain for his wallet.
[906.1s] All of those things are gone.
[907.4s] Hillop is so normal now.
[909.7s] I don't like it.
[912.8s] You saved me.
[913.8s] I fell into the muck-muck and it went and then swallowed me whole.
[918.4s] Yeah, what was it like in there?
[920.3s] It's cold and smelled a bit like eggs, but also bread.
[924.8s] Tasted like a pickle.
[925.8s] Oh.
[926.8s] Why'd you?
[927.8s] Could have been worse.
[928.8s] Why'd you open your mouth?
[929.8s] Well, you panic.
[930.8s] Right?
[931.8s] No, I don't panic.
[932.8s] Well, let me throw you in and see if you panic.
[933.8s] No, that's totally fine.
[935.3s] I want to keep all of my money.
[937.6s] Yeah, I think it's called the old suck-muck because it sucks you in.
[944.5s] Sounds horrible.
[945.5s] And it's mucky.
[946.5s] And it's mucky.
[947.5s] It's the old suck-muck.
[948.5s] Okay.
[949.5s] Do we have a way around this suck-muck?
[951.5s] Yeah.
[952.5s] What do we see?
[953.5s] Is there a path?
[954.5s] Luke, can you light it on fire?
[955.5s] The mud?
[956.5s] I could, but I don't know if we should do that.
[959.9s] Could you freeze it so we could walk on top of it?
[964.5s] I don't know if I could.
[966.5s] Phillip will go first.
[967.5s] It'll be fine.
[968.5s] I don't think so.
[970.3s] I could burn it, but I don't know if that's a great idea.
[972.8s] This muck goes about what's long enough that they can't jump it?
[978.6s] Ride alligators across it.
[979.9s] Yeah, that's good.
[980.9s] There, you're getting great ideas here.
[982.9s] If only I had an alligator.
[985.9s] It's sick.
[986.9s] Well, it's good.
[987.9s] Glim can jump farther than that.
[988.9s] It's 10 feet across.
[990.1s] I think.
[991.1s] From a dwarf?
[992.1s] We don't have a dwarf, though.
[993.1s] We have a halfling.
[994.1s] We have a halfling.
[995.8s] I mean, it would be easier to throw than a dwarf.
[1001.1s] Absolutely.
[1003.2s] Can we lay down and roll across it?
[1005.4s] Someone's welcome to try.
[1007.2s] Perhaps it's like a surface tension kind of thing.
[1010.7s] Or it's like a bed of nails where the weight is distributed properly, but I don't
[1018.2s] want to try it.
[1019.2s] I'm just going to jump across.
[1025.2s] OK.
[1026.2s] You can jump that far, Sully?
[1028.2s] Ten feet long?
[1029.2s] No, it looks like six freedom units across, yeah.
[1033.4s] Yeah, that's what we said after that.
[1037.5s] I said no, it's ten feet because Glim could just step across.
[1041.6s] I didn't hear that.
[1042.7s] You can jump thinking it's six feet, though.
[1044.6s] That's cool.
[1047.6s] Spatial problems for Sully is fine.
[1049.6s] Sully starts stretching his hammies.
[1051.6s] All right, yeah, you're good.
[1053.6s] Rubbing his shoulders.
[1054.6s] No, don't touch me.
[1055.6s] You're covered in goop.
[1056.8s] Yeah, no, that's OK.
[1058.2s] It's all right.
[1059.2s] It's all right.
[1060.2s] I maybe I could get like a like like maybe you can like go on our fours or
[1070.2s] something and then I could run and launch myself off of your back to give
[1075.0s] myself a little extra.
[1076.6s] OK, what if instead like Glim and I stand there and like create a little
[1082.2s] platform for you and when you step on us and jump, we can also throw you
[1087.5s] as far as we can.
[1088.5s] Oh, I like that.
[1089.5s] Let's do it.
[1090.5s] Yeah, we're going to.
[1091.5s] Yeah.
[1092.5s] OK, good.
[1093.5s] We're going to need an athletic check and take three pain to spine
[1095.6s] damage if you're jumping on here.
[1096.9s] Oh, no, we're doing the throw.
[1097.9s] Yeah.
[1098.9s] Instead of athletics, could it be acrobatics running, jumping into
[1103.6s] someone's feet and being flipped into the air?
[1105.5s] We could justify acrobatics.
[1107.1s] I mean, it could be athletics for Glim and I.
[1109.8s] Yep.
[1110.8s] That's true.
[1112.4s] Let's do an athletics for the lifting, for the lifting, but acroletics.
[1117.4s] Acroletics.
[1118.4s] I like it.
[1121.4s] OK, here we go.
[1124.4s] OK, don't tell me what yours is.
[1126.4s] I think we know already.
[1127.4s] Do you need do you need your halfling luck?
[1129.4s] Well, I rolled and so I'm going to use my halfling luck because everybody it was
[1136.4s] a one.
[1137.4s] OK, how did the athletics do?
[1140.4s] 18.
[1142.0s] 12.
[1143.0s] 19 for my acrobatics.
[1146.0s] Yeah, Sully, you take a it's not much of a runway, but you go up a few stairs and
[1152.4s] maybe try and get some leverage and then you you run and you jump into moot kind
[1157.8s] of gives not, you know, not realizing exercise is the thing.
[1162.8s] Maybe.
[1163.8s] I don't know.
[1164.8s] Probably.
[1165.8s] But he's read about it, though.
[1167.2s] Picks up the weight and propels you over this muck, which you fly through the air past
[1173.0s] six feet, seven feet, eight feet, nine feet and tuck and roll at the 10 foot mark
[1178.0s] and make it to the other side on hard ground.
[1180.2s] I definitely roll it and then come out of my role like and then like stick the
[1186.4s] landing like arms out and I turn towards them and I bow.
[1192.4s] All right.
[1193.4s] Come on over.
[1194.6s] That says nine point five just carries that around with her.
[1198.4s] Where did I lose a point five?
[1199.8s] Just curious.
[1201.2s] Oh, that was that was probably my bad.
[1202.8s] Surely carries one sign, though.
[1204.6s] I can't ever give a perfect score.
[1206.4s] Yeah.
[1207.4s] Only Bahamut can be perfect.
[1209.6s] She never gives below nine point five, but also never above nine point five.
[1213.6s] It's consistency, though.
[1214.8s] One card is a tensor for Bahamut.
[1219.0s] That's what she always says.
[1220.4s] Always says.
[1221.4s] Yeah.
[1222.4s] Okay.
[1223.0s] Hillups next then.
[1224.0s] Oh, you want us to.
[1225.4s] Okay.
[1227.2s] Yeah, we can do it again.
[1228.2s] I swear I'll do it better this time.
[1230.4s] Aren't you a regular size man too?
[1232.6s] Like can't be as easy.
[1234.6s] Oh, no.
[1235.0s] He's going to roll with this advantage.
[1236.0s] Four.
[1237.0s] So six.
[1239.0s] Fifteen.
[1240.0s] I lived up to my word with a 13.
[1242.6s] All right.
[1243.8s] So Hillup comes barreling down.
[1245.4s] He's all arms and legs running like a spaghetti monster.
[1248.6s] Yeah, I would assume so.
[1250.6s] He gets enough speed that he steps into your hands and manages to propel off, but like slaps
[1257.4s] both of you in the face and you're going to take one bludgeoning damage to your face
[1261.8s] as he runs by.
[1263.2s] One slapping damage.
[1264.8s] But you see his legs midair begin to move so fast that they quickly and because he
[1271.6s] has big platypus feet, they slap the ground and he manages to duck walk across.
[1279.0s] Sorry, he has platypus feet?
[1281.8s] Yeah.
[1282.8s] Do platypus have big feet?
[1284.4s] I don't know.
[1285.2s] Sure.
[1285.8s] Like I imagine.
[1286.6s] Did you not want to throw clowns under the bus so you said platypus feet?
[1289.8s] Well, yeah.
[1291.2s] Okay, that's all right.
[1292.4s] Glim holds the sign up upside down.
[1294.6s] So it looks like a 5.6.
[1298.2s] And yeah, he leaves a nice mucky handprint smear across Moot and Glim's face.
[1302.0s] Sounds about right for old Hillup.
[1304.0s] I have talked to animals, which I have never used before.
[1308.4s] As always today.
[1309.6s] So let's try and talk to a crocodili or an alligator.
[1314.4s] Which one did we say there was?
[1316.4s] Alligators were down the bell.
[1317.4s] Alligators and other birds.
[1319.4s] Right.
[1320.4s] And other birds.
[1322.0s] The animal kingdom is not a mystery to us, okay.
[1324.8s] And bees, I seem to remember.
[1327.8s] So yes, speak with animals.
[1330.2s] So hello, alligators or other tropical birds?
[1337.0s] Hello?
[1338.0s] You hear like ruffled, yeah, and ruffled footsteps coming from the top of the stairs.
[1345.6s] And you look up and you see this long snout of what you'd expect of an alligator.
[1351.0s] But it looks like there are frills coming off of it.
[1354.0s] Oh.
[1355.0s] What accent does an alligator have?
[1356.8s] I mean Cajun seems like, but we don't know, any of us do a Cajun accent.
[1363.0s] It's not going to be great.
[1364.0s] Please don't be offended with whatever Russ does.
[1366.0s] It's not going to be great.
[1367.8s] It's probably going to be a cross between Donnie Flamekins and Hilla.
[1370.8s] Let's find out.
[1371.8s] Hey, what you got down there?
[1374.8s] Hello.
[1375.8s] My friends and I are trying to get across the muck down here.
[1379.8s] And I thought you probably have some expert knowledge that you could share.
[1384.8s] Yeah, you just climb on my back and we can get right across there, yeah?
[1387.8s] Oh.
[1388.8s] Oh, that's so wonderful.
[1389.8s] That's so wonderful.
[1391.8s] My name is Glim.
[1393.8s] This is my friend Moot.
[1396.8s] I must say, you look great.
[1398.8s] I don't mean to be shallow.
[1400.8s] But the feathers and the ruffles and the, oh, wow, wow.
[1404.8s] Well, what's that song you say?
[1406.8s] In the shallow, in the shallow, in the shallow.
[1412.8s] Mm-hmm.
[1413.8s] Yeah.
[1414.8s] Yeah, no.
[1415.8s] Hey, I'm just an alligator with feathers.
[1417.8s] But, you know, maybe you got to pay me something.
[1419.8s] What does an alligator want, you know, what does an alligator need for in this world?
[1422.8s] I'm just an old country man.
[1425.8s] It's evolving as we find out who this alligator is.
[1428.8s] I want to know a little more of this alligator.
[1431.8s] You introduced yourself.
[1432.8s] I'm going to introduce myself to you.
[1434.8s] I saw my name back here somewhere.
[1436.8s] It was Lolligata Toothsome is what my name is.
[1441.8s] Oh, Lolligata, it's so great to meet you.
[1443.8s] If you wouldn't mind helping us across, you see, some of our friends already made it.
[1448.8s] We're looking for these mesh underpants, these cool breeze.
[1451.8s] Do you know anything about those?
[1453.8s] The cool breeze comes up from underneath.
[1458.8s] Okay.
[1459.8s] And you're headed in the right direction there.
[1461.8s] You got to just get going through there.
[1463.8s] But I'm going to need some payment.
[1465.8s] It's going to need to be dental floss and a preening comb,
[1467.8s] as well as a lock of your friend's hair down at the end there.
[1470.8s] Oh.
[1471.8s] Oh, wow, all right.
[1472.8s] Okay, I mean, I do have...
[1474.8s] I'll save a bolt for you.
[1476.8s] I always have dental floss with me, so I can give you some of that.
[1480.8s] Oh, that's great.
[1481.8s] Here, I just had this little piece.
[1482.8s] And you know what?
[1483.8s] My arms are a little bit too short to actually use it.
[1485.8s] Do you want me to...
[1486.8s] Could you?
[1487.8s] I have a really good jay technique.
[1489.8s] I mean...
[1490.8s] Glimer, you're paying this gator before he takes you.
[1493.8s] Well...
[1494.8s] Are you putting your hands in the gator's mouth before he takes you across?
[1497.8s] He can keep the dental floss after.
[1499.8s] It's fine.
[1500.8s] Just a little show of pre-gratitude.
[1502.8s] Yeah, it's just like back here in the far back.
[1506.8s] You just got to reach in, just climb right on in there.
[1509.8s] Yeah.
[1510.8s] Oh, I see it.
[1511.8s] Did you have popcorn?
[1512.8s] That's what I ate.
[1513.8s] It'll get you.
[1514.8s] Every time.
[1515.8s] Wasn't a small halfling.
[1516.8s] As you're digging around there, you see many things.
[1520.8s] So many things.
[1521.8s] You see...
[1522.8s] Well, there's a human finger bone kind of tucked and curled underneath.
[1527.8s] Oh, two...
[1528.8s] Oh, did you...
[1529.8s] Are you storing these in here?
[1530.8s] Because there is some silver.
[1531.8s] Do you want me to put that...
[1534.8s] Oh, no, I didn't even know that was in there.
[1536.8s] That can be yours too.
[1537.8s] I don't have any need...
[1538.8s] I just take dental floss off of unsuspecting strangers to help them across slippery muck.
[1544.8s] Makes sense.
[1545.8s] Absolutely makes perfect sense to me.
[1547.8s] Oh, and a key?
[1548.8s] Have you...
[1549.8s] It looks like maybe it's for like a bank box or a...
[1553.8s] Oh!
[1554.8s] Have you...
[1555.8s] Are you looking for that?
[1556.8s] You know, there was this individual who lost a key earlier.
[1559.8s] Came down from this way too.
[1562.8s] Maybe we'll hang on to that there.
[1565.8s] Yeah, we'll probably run into them.
[1568.8s] Sorry.
[1569.8s] Discus.
[1570.8s] I was just, you know, doing my track and field there earlier.
[1573.8s] Shotput, discus, and we were trying to catch it.
[1575.8s] You know how we do these as alligators down here in the...
[1580.8s] Swamps.
[1582.8s] Yep.
[1583.8s] The one.
[1584.8s] All right.
[1585.8s] You want to get across here or what?
[1586.8s] I sure do.
[1587.8s] I sure do.
[1588.8s] Here's the comb as well.
[1589.8s] And Sully, can you give Hillop a little...
[1593.8s] Yeah, just lock right off the back.
[1596.8s] Look back and I've wrestled him to the ground.
[1599.8s] Like pulling out a fistful of hair.
[1602.8s] A fistful?
[1603.8s] You don't even use a knife.
[1604.8s] Fine, I'll use a dagger.
[1606.8s] Hold still.
[1607.8s] I'll give you a bowl cut.
[1608.8s] Okay.
[1609.8s] I'll hold still.
[1610.8s] You want bangs?
[1611.8s] No.
[1612.8s] I think he does.
[1613.8s] Maybe some feathering.
[1615.8s] Yeah, is feathering like the alligator?
[1618.8s] Oh, yeah.
[1619.8s] You're going to look great.
[1620.8s] Just, yeah.
[1621.8s] Here we go.
[1622.8s] Okay.
[1623.8s] Great.
[1624.8s] This is a full-armish.
[1625.8s] I don't want to know.
[1627.8s] It sounds sexy.
[1629.8s] That's what we get.
[1631.8s] Full-armish with bangs.
[1633.8s] That's right.
[1634.8s] You are going to be all business up here in the front.
[1637.8s] And then you are going to potty in the back.
[1640.8s] Oh, yeah.
[1641.8s] I love to party.
[1642.8s] You know me so well, Sully.
[1643.8s] Don't do me wrong.
[1644.8s] It just takes some time listening.
[1653.8s] You're in the middle of the ride.
[1655.8s] What?
[1656.8s] I don't feel like you did the right lyrics.
[1657.8s] No, Amy's lyrics were kicking yours out of the ballpark, Russ.
[1661.8s] Everything, everything will be all right, Russ.
[1664.8s] Everything, everything will be just fine.
[1666.8s] Because you're here in the middle.
[1667.8s] We're here.
[1668.8s] Amy's is always so much better.
[1670.8s] So I feel bad about that.
[1672.8s] Thanks.
[1673.8s] I mean, in your defense, quite often we just wait until you start,
[1678.8s] whereas she actively went out of her way to like find something for it.
[1682.8s] Sure did.
[1683.8s] I did.
[1684.8s] Which I could do more of.
[1685.8s] I mean, we all could.
[1686.8s] Russ included.
[1688.8s] Oh, no, it's OK.
[1692.8s] You know what?
[1693.8s] Russ is looking a little down right now.
[1694.8s] Do you know who would really pick him up?
[1696.8s] What's that?
[1697.8s] Is it that we're three patrons away from our next goal and we'd love to hit our next goal?
[1700.8s] Yeah, I was going to say that because we are three patrons away from reaching 90 patrons,
[1705.8s] which would bring us to our next goal, which would be a like a live stream improv game
[1711.8s] that we would be running with suggestions from.
[1714.8s] We've already done one before.
[1715.8s] Well, you know what?
[1716.8s] You're listening to the episode where we where we did it.
[1718.8s] Oh, this is the one.
[1719.8s] So what you're listening to is what is what we'd be doing again, but not the same.
[1725.8s] Except like better, except better next time.
[1728.8s] Because every time I feel like we get a little bit better, a little bit better.
[1732.8s] So, yes, exactly that.
[1734.8s] What Amy said.
[1735.8s] And then what you're listening to put those two things together.
[1739.8s] Boom. That's what we're going to do.
[1740.8s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[1743.8s] I almost blanked on what our thing is that I've been saying.
[1746.8s] There was a slight pause in there.
[1747.8s] You hadn't drawn attention to it.
[1749.8s] I'm sure no one would have noticed.
[1750.8s] You know what?
[1751.8s] This is why I wasn't on air because I always drew attention to it.
[1753.8s] And they were like, screw that one up, guys.
[1755.8s] Sorry about that.
[1756.8s] Don't draw attention to it.
[1757.8s] I can make fun of myself.
[1758.8s] And they're like, self-deprecation is really so.
[1760.8s] The best form of comedy.
[1761.8s] I love it.
[1762.8s] 2007.
[1763.8s] I was like, well, it's only 2008.
[1765.8s] Like, yeah, but that's years for you.
[1767.8s] They just keep creeping up.
[1769.8s] And then there was an existential crisis of like age and stuff.
[1772.8s] Oh, wow.
[1773.8s] Fair.
[1774.8s] As someone who did spend some time on air, I loved when I would fuck up live
[1780.8s] and like a glorious fuck up where like all you can do is laugh about it.
[1785.8s] Because it's so absurd that you're talking to these thousands of people
[1789.8s] and you're an idiot.
[1792.8s] I've never been on the radio in any capacity that would make me a radio person.
[1798.8s] And I love, just as a listener, I like listening to that stuff
[1801.8s] because it humanizes people.
[1803.8s] And also it's just like, no, it's just someone on a mic over there
[1806.8s] just like fucking up the whole thing.
[1808.8s] Tom, get your shit together.
[1809.8s] I would always, whenever it happened, I would just laugh and go like,
[1812.8s] I am not good at my job, guys.
[1815.8s] But we're good at our jobs.
[1817.8s] I think is the loop.
[1819.8s] Because in podcasting, you don't need to be radio.
[1822.8s] And that's why we've all left radio.
[1824.8s] And Amy never got into radio.
[1826.8s] Because I knew I'd be part of this podcast, which is so much better than radio.
[1831.8s] So much better than radio.
[1833.8s] I can do it in my jammies.
[1835.8s] So if you would love to join us at Patreon,
[1839.8s] which is a sentence that makes sense.
[1842.8s] If you'd like to join us for our next live show
[1846.8s] where we're going to improv using your ideas,
[1848.8s] please join us over on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cat.
[1853.8s] But we can't do it until we hit 90 patrons.
[1856.8s] So come join us.
[1857.8s] Yeah.
[1858.8s] Because that's what goals are.
[1860.8s] We need you.
[1861.8s] Yes, you and you.
[1862.8s] I need you, baby.
[1864.8s] All right.
[1865.8s] Back to the episode where we're playing one of these live streamed one shots.
[1868.8s] Enjoy.
[1869.8s] It's like it was meant to be.
[1877.8s] I have so much hair in my hands.
[1879.8s] You climb aboard the alligator and the alligator glides across the top
[1883.8s] and brings you to the other side, accepts your payment,
[1886.8s] says, well, that's very nice knowing you.
[1888.8s] And I got to head back up there and find more people to help across Muck.
[1891.8s] Well, thank you so much.
[1892.8s] It was wonderful to meet you.
[1893.8s] I did leave a pamphlet just in your back.
[1896.8s] So the next person who flosses you will will hand it to you.
[1899.8s] You can learn a little bit more about behind it.
[1901.8s] Yeah, totally.
[1902.8s] Storage compartments.
[1903.8s] That's what we've determined that these are.
[1905.8s] Yes.
[1906.8s] Not just forgotten items.
[1907.8s] You begin heading down this this corridor with your your lighted rock
[1912.8s] and you round a bend and into a chamber where there is a creature standing there.
[1920.8s] There's a scent of PB and J in the air.
[1923.8s] Oh, yeah.
[1924.8s] Can you can you smell that?
[1926.8s] Mm hmm.
[1927.8s] Reminds me of school.
[1928.8s] It seems like one of those specialty peanut butters, though.
[1931.8s] Mm hmm.
[1932.8s] There is a specialty peanut butter.
[1934.8s] Well, yeah, some of them have like honey roasted nuts in them and all sorts of things.
[1941.8s] You and I had a very different upbringing.
[1943.8s] You see a tall hooded platypus with a name tag that says Jerry
[1949.8s] and he's holding a jar filled with what looked like tiny jelly beans.
[1954.8s] Hello, Jerry.
[1956.8s] Is it?
[1958.8s] Yeah.
[1959.8s] I like your cloak.
[1962.8s] Thanks.
[1964.8s] Um, this seems like a forward question to ask because we just met.
[1969.8s] But do you know anything about holy cool breeze underpants?
[1973.8s] Yeah, you just have to get through.
[1975.8s] But you have to pass the test.
[1977.8s] Oh, oh, what's the test?
[1978.8s] Is it a physical test?
[1980.8s] Do you want me to do some jumping jacks?
[1982.8s] Oh, oh, and I'm already doing one arm pushups.
[1985.8s] Wow.
[1987.8s] Is it a jelly bean eating test?
[1989.8s] Because that's the only thing I bring to this situation.
[1992.8s] Well, it's actually each of you will be tested in your own way.
[1995.8s] Oh, OK.
[1998.8s] I eat a jelly bean and then determine what you're going, which tests you're going to do.
[2003.8s] Now, does a jelly bean tell you what the test is going to be?
[2006.8s] Or do you just eat one and think about it and then you come up with it?
[2011.8s] Yeah.
[2014.8s] No, like which one of those?
[2016.8s] He eats a jelly bean.
[2018.8s] Now, is it talking to you right now?
[2020.8s] Yeah, it's telling me things.
[2022.8s] I have not studied funny kind of tests.
[2024.8s] OK.
[2025.8s] Jelly bean number one goes down and Jerry belches fire and announces
[2031.8s] your test strong one.
[2033.8s] Oh, yes.
[2035.8s] Will be
[2037.8s] hopscotch.
[2039.8s] Oh, OK.
[2042.8s] I mean, I haven't really done a lot of hopscotch since the incident.
[2047.8s] A pit of mice.
[2051.8s] Oh.
[2053.8s] Strong smelling muscular mice.
[2056.8s] It's a real free show.
[2064.8s] There is a real mouse kind of musk in the air.
[2071.8s] And I see you do have that hopscotch muscular mouse pit over there.
[2076.8s] So just like a standard.
[2080.8s] Or do you want me to.
[2082.8s] With with with flair and fashion, preferably, but standard would be OK.
[2087.8s] So as you approach the the the hopscotch over the mouse, the strong smelling mouse pit.
[2094.8s] And they're muscular and they're muscular.
[2096.8s] And they're muscular.
[2098.8s] Yeah, it's just like it's a it's a you know, it's like bodies really.
[2103.8s] Gold's gym at the bottom here.
[2105.8s] They're skipping leg day, but they're not upper body.
[2108.8s] They're lifting rats over their head.
[2110.8s] These mice, they're they're so ripped.
[2113.8s] You're going to make a constitution saving throw for this for the smell, first of all.
[2117.8s] OK. Oh, not great, guys.
[2120.8s] Not great. Oh, that's a four.
[2123.8s] Oh, God. She barf on the hopscotch course, making it hard to rain for herself.
[2128.8s] It's really it's the musk of the mice.
[2132.8s] And then also that, you know, that smell at the gym where it's sort of
[2137.8s] it like smells like pennies almost.
[2140.8s] It's like sweat and metal.
[2143.8s] Oh, I'm just going to stand back here a little bit.
[2146.8s] Yeah, you guys. Yeah, I'll take a couple steps back.
[2149.8s] It's wafted. It's wafted.
[2151.8s] Hey, you think you think you're so tough you can do the hopscotch.
[2153.8s] I don't think she's got it. I don't think she can do it.
[2156.8s] Yeah, I don't think so either. Yeah.
[2158.8s] Well, your voice is really low, Fred.
[2161.8s] Been working out the vocal cords, haven't you?
[2164.8s] Yeah, she doesn't got it in her.
[2165.8s] She's going to vomit.
[2167.8s] Come on, pretty girl, let's go.
[2169.8s] She'll slip and fall on top of us and that'll probably be bad.
[2172.8s] But we'll lift her back up because we're strong mice.
[2175.8s] We are many. She's one.
[2176.8s] Yeah. Mice will take over the world.
[2179.8s] What am I rolling for my hopscotch?
[2181.8s] Acrobatics? Athletics? Yeah, let's do acrobatics.
[2184.8s] Seventeen. Amidst the taunts.
[2186.8s] Those only make me stronger.
[2188.8s] You think I have never been taunted before?
[2190.8s] Fueled by your hatred.
[2192.8s] Yeah, you're going to... one, two, three.
[2194.8s] Yeah, you're going to...
[2195.8s] Oh, she's doing it. God damn it.
[2197.8s] What else do we got?
[2199.8s] What do we got?
[2201.8s] Your outfit's stupid.
[2203.8s] And something about your ankles.
[2205.8s] Yeah, leg day much?
[2209.8s] It's all falling apart as you cross this hopscotch,
[2212.8s] to which Jerry turns and says,
[2215.8s] Well done.
[2217.8s] Thanks, Jerry.
[2219.8s] You've passed. You can go on.
[2221.8s] Well, I'll just wait for my friends because we're kind of a team.
[2224.8s] We've actually got this destiny.
[2226.8s] So the three of us, not that one with the weird haircut
[2230.8s] that's quite angular and not... he isn't really part of the...
[2233.8s] It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Go ahead.
[2235.8s] Next.
[2237.8s] Somebody find me a personality test that Tom can do.
[2242.8s] A quick one.
[2243.8s] Is there like a BuzzFeed quiz to tell you which of the friends I am?
[2247.8s] Nick said that at the same time.
[2249.8s] What is he?
[2251.8s] What friend am I?
[2254.8s] Which friend's character are you?
[2257.8s] Here it is.
[2259.8s] Don't stop video. That's the wrong button.
[2262.8s] We're back.
[2264.8s] Stop won't stop.
[2266.8s] I was going to say if you're any...
[2268.8s] Put it in the chat because then anyone can take it.
[2270.8s] There we go.
[2272.8s] It's in the chat. Get it before it's gone.
[2274.8s] Ross is a crit fail, it's true.
[2276.8s] Really, really.
[2279.8s] Are you going to ask him the questions or is Jerry going to ask the questions?
[2284.8s] Yeah, Jerry's going to ask the questions.
[2286.8s] Or do we just wait while Tom does the questions?
[2289.8s] No, we're going to do it.
[2291.8s] What's your name?
[2293.8s] Moot's going to pick green.
[2295.8s] What's your name?
[2296.8s] This is a different one.
[2298.8s] Pick a movie. Good choices here.
[2302.8s] Give me a movie that you like.
[2304.8s] Love those Goonies.
[2306.8s] Going to go with them.
[2308.8s] Truffle Shuffle, right?
[2310.8s] We'll go with fall.
[2312.8s] That's a good season.
[2314.8s] Lots of song choices.
[2318.8s] This is great audio when someone does a multiple choice quiz.
[2322.8s] We're going to be friends by the white stripes.
[2324.8s] We'll go with that one.
[2326.8s] On Friday I can be found.
[2329.8s] Lots of options here.
[2331.8s] I will say playing board games.
[2333.8s] Pick a power.
[2336.8s] Teleportation.
[2338.8s] We got that going on for us.
[2340.8s] You're a teleporter, are you?
[2342.8s] Got to go with a penguin because it would be delightful to be cold right now.
[2347.8s] I'm also really surprised that they didn't have one of those alligators in there.
[2350.8s] I wish. If they did, I would have picked it for sure.
[2353.8s] Or a platypus.
[2355.8s] I'll pick Lord of the Rings.
[2357.8s] It's a fantasy series.
[2359.8s] Who would I rather date now?
[2361.8s] Tom Haverford all the way.
[2363.8s] From Parks and Rec, thank you very much.
[2365.8s] How long is this quiz?
[2367.8s] I just took the first one.
[2369.8s] I wanted four questions.
[2373.8s] We're getting down to who you are as a person.
[2375.8s] It's really in depth.
[2377.8s] Small gathering with closest friends.
[2379.8s] Let's do that.
[2381.8s] Pick a TV show now.
[2385.8s] These are all terrible options.
[2387.8s] We'll go for house.
[2389.8s] I would have totally chosen Glee.
[2391.8s] I'm Gary, Phoebe's fiance.
[2393.8s] Excellent. Thank you, Michael Rappaport.
[2395.8s] You're an angry cop.
[2397.8s] Isn't that who he was?
[2399.8s] That's really nuts.
[2401.8s] If you were really hidden in depth, that wouldn't have been my guess.
[2405.8s] Not at all.
[2407.8s] I figured you would have been one of the main cast.
[2409.8s] Turns out I'm a bit player.
[2411.8s] That seems like a noble choice.
[2413.8s] Anything but Ross was an immediate pass.
[2415.8s] Thank God.
[2417.8s] You can proceed.
[2419.8s] You must do the pregnancy test.
[2421.8s] I'm sorry.
[2423.8s] Excuse me what?
[2425.8s] You have to take a pregnancy test.
[2427.8s] Okay.
[2429.8s] It's what the jellyfish does.
[2431.8s] I'm sorry.
[2433.8s] Excuse me what?
[2435.8s] You have to take a pregnancy test.
[2437.8s] Okay.
[2439.8s] It's what the jelly bean says.
[2441.8s] Wait, is failing it passing it?
[2443.8s] Oh, good question.
[2445.8s] What would you like the pregnancy test to say?
[2447.8s] What would you like the pregnancy test to say?
[2449.8s] Well, biologically speaking, it should be negative.
[2451.8s] Well, biologically speaking, it should be negative.
[2453.8s] But I mean, I'm not going to lie.
[2455.8s] But I mean, I'm not going to lie.
[2457.8s] You know, could be that Glimer of hope.
[2459.8s] You know, could be that Glimer of hope.
[2461.8s] Like, what if, right?
[2463.8s] You have a lot of wisdom to share.
[2465.8s] You have a lot of wisdom to share.
[2467.8s] Two lines for positive and then one line for negative.
[2469.8s] Two lines for positive and then one line for negative.
[2471.8s] Is there like a smiley face if it's positive?
[2473.8s] Is there like a smiley face if it's positive?
[2475.8s] Or a frowny face if it's negative?
[2477.8s] Because I don't think you should tell me how I feel about this.
[2479.8s] No, no.
[2481.8s] It's just the two lines.
[2483.8s] Because, you know, we don't want to put that state.
[2485.8s] Right, because I got lots of feelings about it.
[2487.8s] Sure, yeah.
[2489.8s] It's an emotional rollercoaster we're going to go through together.
[2491.8s] It's an emotional rollercoaster we're going to go through together.
[2493.8s] We're going to pee on this thing.
[2495.8s] You're going to pee on this thing.
[2497.8s] There was a bathroom behind me.
[2499.8s] Oh, yeah, well of course.
[2501.8s] I just didn't know if you...
[2503.8s] No, I'm not a doctor in the pee or anything.
[2505.8s] I actually do really gotta go.
[2507.8s] Okay, well let's just all stand outside here and give Sully some motivational support.
[2509.8s] Okay, well let's just all stand outside here and give Sully some motivational support.
[2511.8s] Whilst I'm peeing?
[2513.8s] Sure, yeah.
[2515.8s] Think of flowing streams, babbling brooks.
[2517.8s] Think of flowing streams, babbling brooks.
[2519.8s] You can do this, Sully.
[2521.8s] Waterfalls.
[2523.8s] Listen.
[2525.8s] You're doing great.
[2527.8s] That's almost what.
[2529.8s] Do you need a jelly bean?
[2531.8s] Do you want, like, row row row?
[2533.8s] Just something distracting?
[2537.8s] Okay, can we get it in a round?
[2539.8s] Okay, yeah, I'll start.
[2541.8s] Row row, row your boat, gently down the stream.
[2543.8s] Let it go.
[2545.8s] Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily.
[2547.8s] Don't know what a rowboat is.
[2549.8s] Okay, Jesus, I'm done.
[2551.8s] Oh
[2553.8s] Yeah, hey, I'm here too
[2556.6s] That's how usually characters work. They just kind of drift into the background sometimes. Did you pee yet like a gary from friends?
[2569.6s] And what well it's the package says you got to wait two minutes, but oh
[2575.5s] Shake it around
[2578.5s] What's my test do I get a test
[2581.9s] Well, yeah, he'll up can go over. Well, we're waiting again. Well, I did just say there were three of you not noticing you in the back
[2588.6s] Well, that's really hurtful. I mean even with that haircut. You didn't notice him. Oh, yeah kind of blended into the curtains there
[2595.8s] There's curtains. I did. Oh, yeah, beautiful curtain. I didn't even see them before. Well, where do you think he was peeing?
[2601.6s] Well, I mean knowing sully just anywhere he wants. Yeah, that's fair guys. I'm right here. Okay. Well, I didn't need to do a test
[2608.8s] I can just
[2610.2s] You're still talking. Yeah, okay. How's the test look, huh?
[2615.0s] All right
[2616.4s] It's okay. So one one line. It's negative and two lines is positive sure
[2622.8s] Okay, well, that's what the box says. I've never taken one. Well me neither
[2627.1s] Okay, a line and a you and a unicorn. There's a line and then a picture of a unicorn
[2632.4s] Do you think you're pregnant with a unicorn? Wow. Oh my god. Wait, that's terrifying check the book check the book
[2638.8s] Oh a line in a unicorn it says at some point in a previous live show you've pissed off a unicorn
[2646.8s] Yep. Yep, and they're probably gonna be down the hall protecting the underwear. Oh
[2653.0s] Well, that's very specific. Wow, you really do have a personal test for everyone except Hilla, but Hilla probably should do
[2661.8s] Something right I could do something I mean wait out here dance contest I could hold your jelly beans
[2670.1s] Zumba I could I could do Zumba. I practice sometimes when they're doing the classes, you know
[2676.2s] Cuz I train all of the new recruitees. Do you need someone to count your jelly beans?
[2680.5s] I bet Hilla would be great at that. I could count the jelly beans
[2683.7s] Yeah, I mean we could count the jelly looks like a lot of jelly. All right, you got to do it while staying silent though
[2689.6s] Starting now. Oh
[2691.4s] So close. Ah
[2693.2s] Okay, starting now you two you two three go check out your unicorn. Oh
[2698.6s] Boy, I don't really want to I'm kind of nervous about the unicorn now
[2702.5s] Yeah, I feel like I really need to work up a good apology here
[2706.4s] Yeah, but I do really want those cool breeze underpants. So maybe it's worth the awkward conversation
[2712.9s] Okay. Yeah, you know what? Let's do it. Okay, the fact that you think it's just gonna be an awkward conversation
[2719.1s] Is just just it's precious. Everyone knows unicorns are jerks
[2724.6s] Let's go. I said that real loud. They definitely heard me say that you head down this this hallway, which wasn't very long
[2731.4s] So whoever is waiting for you on the other side
[2735.8s] Heard you as well. I'm trying to get out there and you come around the corner and
[2741.1s] it's in a well-lit room and there is a
[2745.1s] What you're drawn to first is the unicorn who's sitting cross-legged in a chair
[2751.5s] Waiting for you
[2753.0s] Wow
[2753.9s] Looking at their imaginary watch and then behind them on a pedestal floating in this kind of like Beauty and the Beast
[2762.4s] Like flower protecting chamber is are the what looked to be the relic
[2768.5s] Holy relic underpants of cool breeze at least how they've been described to you
[2774.1s] The unicorn looks at you and says well, it's been a long
[2779.2s] Frickin time. Yeah, how are you cross-legged in that chair? I'm a frickin unicorn. Okay. I mean nice
[2786.3s] Nice to see you again
[2788.5s] Very lovely. I don't think we caught your name before when we met in one hoof. He
[2794.1s] From beneath his arm you see him pull out a cigar and he just takes a long drag from it
[2799.8s] And sorry. What was your question? I was too busy smoking my stogie
[2803.4s] Oh, well, I was just I want to be able to like
[2807.8s] You know reference you by name. I don't just want to say hey unicorn. So what's your name?
[2813.6s] And my name is Abernathy Abelhoof, but my friends call me sparkly breeze. Well, so can we call you you can call me?
[2821.1s] Abernathy, okay. Yes. Yes, sir. Mr. Abelhoof. So nice to meet you or to see you again meet you formally
[2827.6s] I guess you brought me into the world's smallest
[2831.0s] Underground chamber, do you know
[2833.7s] How long I've been on this earth to be brought just poof into the smallest
[2839.5s] Underground tunnel. Okay. Yeah, I would like to say right off the top. I'm very sorry about that. It wasn't intentional
[2848.2s] See I get this like
[2850.5s] How to say it I get this
[2852.8s] Like build up of energy in me and then sometimes some crazy things happen as a result
[2860.1s] And that's that's what I somehow summoned you unintentionally. The answer is one thousand nine years four months and ten days
[2867.9s] Oh, I thought it was a rhetorical question. I didn't know we were supposed to actually guess looking for a number
[2872.9s] Oh, wow been around long enough. I can wait for answers, but I didn't think you were gonna get there
[2879.2s] so you get all pent up and frustrated and then you just think of a
[2883.6s] Unicorn and I know no again making it sound real weird. Yeah
[2887.6s] No, nothing nothing like that. Just when I when I use my magic
[2892.0s] Sometimes there's like a quirk to it and oh, you know what moot you should prove it. Oh
[2898.3s] Great idea. Okay. Sure. Yeah, let's yeah prove it make something happen. Yeah, do some magic and do something unintended. Okay
[2905.4s] um, I guess I'll
[2907.8s] I'll just bring you bring my
[2910.8s] Crab claw I'll show that off to you. Maybe that will
[2914.9s] That will trigger something moot summons his crab claw and I rolled a high roll so nothing happens there
[2921.8s] He dismisses it. Well, you know, let me I'll just try again. I'll try you know, yeah
[2926.4s] Just keep it rolling. You're patient. You've got all the time in the world as you
[2931.0s] Yeah, you just do you just stand in the corner. So the other two of you you had nothing to do with summoning me
[2936.7s] Then now we just know have we just happen to usually be beside him doing these
[2942.3s] Yeah, we're a team. And so I guess in that way it's sort of all of our faults, but more specifically
[2949.0s] glim well
[2951.0s] If he's only we don't do if he's only looking to punish one of us
[2954.3s] Well off on the side you guys just see like the crab claw showing up and vanishing showing up and vanishing showing up and vanishing
[2960.5s] Moat at least do something different finally on like the fifth try
[2965.4s] He gets it and I will roll you a d100 Russ. All right
[2970.0s] Oh, baby, everybody you tell me what happens when his wild magic search table goes
[2986.6s] You're talking with Abernathy and
[2989.4s] Moots crab claws going on and off and on and off and on and off after a while suddenly another unicorn appears
[2995.5s] Okay, so this was a bad example
[2998.3s] Fred you two know each other. We all know each other
[3001.6s] I've been around for a thousand nine years four months and what did I say six date? Check the tally marks. Okay
[3008.7s] No, well, I just that would have been really presumptuous of me and be like I can't like all
[3014.8s] Unicorns know each other. I mean, come on a little unlikely though. The world is a big place. Yeah
[3019.7s] No, that's Fred. I mean you can call him Magellan mighty horn, but his name to me is Fred. Okay
[3025.5s] Yeah, oh cuz you're friends. That's right. Are you though?
[3030.8s] Why am I here? Okay. Well, I just first off I want to say I'm sorry
[3036.6s] Unintentional this mook over here. He just like summons unicorns at his will and pleasure
[3043.4s] Okay, like that's not that's just one of many things that what are you?
[3047.2s] I what are you even doing here unicorn boy? I've turned into a sheep before nobody's talking about that
[3053.2s] Maybe you guys could mention that to the unicorns. He got he got shorter. Yeah, I like seven inches. He's quite a bit shorter
[3060.1s] Yeah, so you like to get shorter so you can I don't I don't get I'm not connecting the dots here
[3066.6s] Where do the unicorns come? That's the thing. There's no dots to connect. It's totally random. I have no control over it
[3072.8s] Roll a persuasion
[3074.8s] That's an 18 for persuasion. Give me a second. I'm gonna go talk to Fred over here. Hey Fred
[3080.8s] Yeah, are we gonna give this guy a second chance here? I mean he's this is his second chance
[3085.2s] Are we gonna give this guy a third chance and tell him if he summons another unicorn? We're gonna you know, really rough them up
[3094.3s] Should really quit that it's terrible terrible habit. Um
[3099.4s] You know, I'm not gonna lie I was in a real bad spot
[3103.6s] It's kind of awesome that I think I'm poof dead where I was so there was a good thing
[3108.6s] Can I borrow 500 gold you borrow 500 gold
[3112.6s] You come I'm just in a tight spot. You come in you still owe me 500 gold from the last time
[3117.4s] Yeah, but I mean what we mean you were in a tight spot. Were you in it with with gambling unicorns?
[3123.2s] The GU is really persuasive. Hmm. Yeah Albert. He's got it. He's got an out
[3129.1s] He's got a he's got his eyes on you doesn't he? Well, I just you know
[3133.1s] like I had that hot streak and it was going and it was going and then and then it wasn't and
[3139.0s] Look you was betting against the Minotaur again, wasn't you? Well, I mean look
[3145.6s] You're pooping out the jelly beans again. I can tell your stomach is turning. Okay. What did you what are you two?
[3152.4s] What are you three? I keep calling you two
[3155.1s] What are you three doing down here? Well, we we we're on a righteous quest
[3160.8s] Yes, yeah
[3162.2s] To underpants to get those underpants. Oh, you want the underpants cooling breeze. Yeah. Yeah
[3168.0s] Well, I could trade those for something. Oh
[3170.7s] What would do we have anything that you would want? What are you interested in?
[3174.8s] You got any buffet coupons? Oh
[3179.2s] Someone's speaking my language here and moot goes into like his little rucksack and he's rummaging around
[3184.1s] I got all what are you in the mood for?
[3186.6s] His chances are I have it you've like a philofax of them like it's like an accordion wallet
[3191.9s] They're all like well, I want like the highest rated one
[3194.7s] They haven't been rating the the buffets if you can give me the highest rated buffet at this side of this the spine of the world
[3203.3s] You can take the underpants. Okay. Okay a little little confab here guys
[3211.1s] It's gotta be do you think sir schloss racist is it racist to say golden corral is that
[3218.3s] Is that that's probably inappropriate, right? I mean, they're schloss is probably the best one. You're right. You're right
[3223.3s] They definitely have the most variety. So I'm thinking maybe social ops
[3228.2s] There's plum garden. Yeah, these are salad palace
[3233.7s] Potatoes
[3235.3s] We're really good. Oh so good. And I mean who doesn't like a good cop?
[3240.7s] Yeah, maybe I'd I hate to ask moot, but do you think you could like maybe pick a couple? Oh
[3247.7s] Throw in it's like a bonus just cuz you know, we did
[3251.5s] Well, and I mean also
[3253.7s] Potatoes is really like it's very like there's only one option
[3259.5s] But there's only the one yeah, there's just one so maybe like, you know, okay. Yep. Sure got it
[3266.5s] Okay, so
[3269.1s] Abernathy, yes lots of choices
[3273.0s] Potatoes is a great one. So here's a coupon for that. Oh
[3278.0s] golden corral
[3280.9s] Okay. Yep seemed. All right
[3283.3s] Whoo, that was a I didn't know if that was gonna be good or not. I'll be honest with you
[3287.9s] Sir schloss is great. And uh, that's the new one, right? Yeah, it's it's just open
[3293.6s] They have a lot of fun things on on the on selection. So that's pretty good. And yeah, give him one for fun. Do oh
[3301.1s] When you fondue you fondue. Yep. Perfect. Got it. All right, and fun do so that's four choices
[3306.8s] Not choices your choice is all for you for you. Yeah, you're gonna give me all four all four
[3311.8s] One thing I would recommend. I don't know you're eating habits, but maybe don't try to tackle all four on the same day
[3317.9s] I mean, I'm a unicorn. I could probably eat a lot right? That's that's right. Yeah Fred as well
[3324.3s] Yeah, as much as we desire. Yeah, we just turn them into these jelly beans and Jerry comes and takes him
[3329.7s] I don't know what he does with them
[3331.4s] Yep, oh it's best not to go down that well. Yeah, sure. I'll take all four of these buffet coupons and
[3338.5s] You can have these
[3340.5s] Underpants and would you say that a debt to you for accidentally?
[3345.3s] Poofing you into a place that you did not say you would like to be look we settled me and Fred here
[3351.9s] We give you a third chance if we hear that unicorns are going missing
[3357.4s] We're gonna come find you. Oh boy. Yeah breaking knees, right?
[3362.3s] Okay, that that seems totally totally fair. We will make sure to
[3368.0s] Avoid all unicorns at all costs
[3373.6s] That was an accident
[3376.6s] Yeah, sorry, we're trying to be intimidating here. Yeah, we'll find you take the underpants and get out of our sight before
[3383.1s] It's too late mess with the unicorns and you get the horn
[3386.4s] Boy. All right. Yep. Okay. Okay. We're just gonna grab these then they look great. They could have this like 90s
[3392.5s] Kind of board short kind of look and I love it
[3397.3s] Glim wears them out
[3400.3s] As the three of you run back out and grab hill up on your way
[3403.7s] Yeah, that was like a pointed threat like, you know, he he really gets it
[3407.3s] Oh, he's not gonna be summoning no more unicorns. All right. Now tell me about this
[3413.0s] Minotaur you owe money
[3415.0s] Only 500 gold, but I just don't have it because of my crippling gambling debt
[3420.0s] We fade out on the crippling candling candling that handling that
[3429.5s] Fred has a day job
[3431.9s] Village that's right and
[3434.6s] We see moot glim and sully followed quickly by hillup as they're running back towards the city where they found this quest
[3442.6s] Alright you guys we really got a head back to pansies. Yeah, I mean, yeah, we've been we've been gone too long
[3447.5s] You think that we'll still get the reward? Well, we got these underpants. Are they doing anything for you glim? They look fantastic
[3453.9s] Well, I mean over my armor so not probably the full effect, but it seemed rude to just like
[3461.4s] really wear them but it is
[3464.1s] Breezy, it's cool. Yeah. Yeah, it's nice. Huh? Let me try them
[3469.8s] Okay, and we all take a minute just trying on because they're like the sisterhood of the trap
[3476.4s] Everyone perfectly running through the muggy swamp like, you know
[3479.7s] You need some cool breeze and as you pull them on like it's like a sea breeze
[3486.7s] It blows my hair back
[3490.3s] That hair too you do not know what sully situation is downstairs
[3495.1s] I don't like it
[3498.9s] It's just a little wavy
[3500.9s] He's like any teenage boy probably very self-conscious about his pubes. It's fair
[3505.7s] But yes, you get the sea breeze and it cools you right down and you feel good. You feel dry
[3510.0s] You feel refreshed. I feel like powder dry. This is this moot. Would you like to oh, yeah hand them over
[3516.4s] Here we go. You pull back into
[3518.9s] You pull back into
[3520.9s] Panties you pull back into panties and make your way to
[3526.8s] Omelette egg crushers abode and you knock on the door and there's loud footsteps that come and the door opens
[3534.5s] And it's a wafting
[3536.9s] odor that comes out of the of the house
[3540.5s] And he's staring down looking at you and says did you bring me my prized?
[3545.8s] Underwear I have taken them off before we go into the house and I yep. Yeah, we've got them right here
[3552.8s] Just what you were looking for
[3555.2s] He looks at them
[3557.4s] Snatches them from your hand and gives them a good look over and says these are them of good
[3567.9s] Been upset making that deal with the unicorn
[3570.5s] He pulls them on one leg at a time and you see like as if there are fans beneath him
[3577.5s] He's cooled
[3579.8s] From top to tail and this the odor eliminates from the entire area
[3587.2s] well
[3588.5s] Mr. Omelette if I
[3591.8s] Ask you ah
[3593.5s] Refreshed why do you keep your prized underwear under such strict?
[3600.5s] Like locking key situations well I put inconvenient
[3604.1s] I put them down there in the winter when you don't need them
[3607.1s] And then I need someone to go fetch them in the summer
[3612.1s] But because it's so hot and muggy I can't bring myself to take my to
[3617.2s] Trek on back and say I blame you I owe you I owe you payment for these though
[3621.6s] Right now that I'm in a better mood. I think I think I feel good about actually paying you now
[3627.3s] I was just gonna shut the door previously
[3630.3s] Well, thank you for your honesty come in come in and he
[3634.9s] Allows you into his house and goes into a back room and comes back after a few moments
[3641.5s] He's got three things in his arms
[3643.1s] He's got an envelope in one hand and he hands it to the group not into anybody in particular and says here's some buffet
[3649.1s] coupons and oh
[3650.8s] Here's here's uh this is a jar of jelly beans
[3656.9s] Take those yes, thank you
[3660.4s] And this one is a larger jar actually there's a few things in here
[3665.9s] Most of the things I've been trying to get rid of but maybe you like them
[3669.5s] You look inside and there is a small
[3673.5s] small statue
[3675.3s] figurine of a unicorn
[3678.6s] also in there are a mummified monkey's finger and like
[3685.7s] Probably wouldn't know this in this world, but there's like a small like rubber
[3690.7s] Bat you wouldn't know a balloon. There's balloons in there. Oh
[3695.1s] Like inflated balloon. No just like to be inflated balloon. Oh, okay. Yeah an inflated a
[3703.1s] Limp balloon a limp balloon. Thank you. Thank you
[3707.4s] This is very my prized possessions are now yours
[3710.9s] Well, I mean those buffet coupons are we find ourselves in need of them now
[3715.0s] Yeah, this unicorn statue will remind us to never summon a unicorn again. Mm-hmm a good reminder forever lesson learned. Oh
[3724.4s] When you say summon a unicorn again a unicorn is right beside you what?
[3744.9s] I
[3771.1s] Dumbgeons and Dragons season 2 episode 113
[3775.0s] Flashback improv live show episode starring Amy More as sully Carla Max dead as glim
[3780.9s] Tom Laird as moot and Russ More as your dungeon master editing production and sound design is by Russ More
[3786.7s] This episode featured music from Kavin McLeod and epidemic sound and sound effects from epidemic sound boom library and sound ideas a
[3794.4s] Huge thank you to our supporting producers
[3796.6s] Gabriel Lynch Jessica Babya cat water flame Jacob Madden Christian Brown Devin Michaels Craig Zeiss Aaron Stevens
[3803.5s] Daryl if Lulahan Sharlee Warley and LA Branton support Dumbgeons and Dragons at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast where you'll receive
[3811.1s] instant access to bonus episodes a Patreon exclusive podcast called the adventures of as well as helping us towards our next goal where
[3818.2s] We'll do another one of these for all of our patrons an improv live show event happening at 90 patrons and 100 patrons
[3825.4s] If you help us towards both we have no choice but to do a couple back-to-back pretty quick
[3830.0s] You can also follow us at facebook.com slash dumb dragon cast and on instagram and twitter at dumb dragon cast
[3835.9s] Thank you for listening. Have a great week. We'll talk again soon
[3840.7s] You put it into the ooze mud sorry mud
[3851.7s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons production